You’re here, right now, reading this.
Which means the pressure’s on for me.
Really on.
Oh god.
You might think this is awful.
You might call your friends and
tell everyone I’m a nitwit.
A moron.
Which might be true.
Why else would you say it?
Oh god, it’s true isn’t it?
It’s an actual fact.
Maybe I should just delete this.
Start a new one.
Something more dramatic.
Something more nutritious.
Something that’s more you.
I don’t know, what do you like?
Something about food?
I’ve no idea.
I could call it Giblets if you want.
It’s called Giblets.
Maybe I’ll set it in January.
Or March.
I don’t know, what do you want?
Fucking hell, I don’t know.
I don’t know what month to set it in.
I really do not know.
Fuck it: December.
Anyway, I’ll open it up strong.
Straight away I’ll use some great words.
Puff pastry.
Jogging bottoms.
Yeah, it’s coming to me now.
I can feel my confidence rising, big time.
Now I’ve got an image of a tissue.
A shoelace.
And a bell.
A ringing bell.
Ding ding ding.
If you don’t like that then you don’t like literature.
Ding ding ding.
Can you hear that?
I can ring that any time.
No, this is great, this is really coming together.
This is really taking shape.
A good shape.
Maybe I should send it off.
Get a book out.
Wait a minute, more images are hitting me like crazy:
Wild dogs.
No, mince.
Somebody's niece.
Coffee managers.
I don’t even know what coffee managers are.
That’s inspiration for you!
This is really rolling along now!
Hang on, there’s more:
I can smell frankincense where it’s set.
Where’s it set?
I can smell the dogs.
The wild dogs.
I think they’re eating something.
Dog food.
Ok, it’s definitely August.
And that’s that.
Now I think you should call your friends back.
Mention what you said earlier.
Tell them you were wrong about me.
Apologise to them for wasting their time.
By all means, mention Giblets.
Maybe you could ask them what they’re up to tonight.
It’s your call.
Your phone call.
You could find out if they’re alright.
Maybe one of them is upset.
Feeling a bit down.
Listen to them.
Try to cheer them up.
Be a real friend.
Help them out in any way possible.

Tiny Finger Point